Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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