First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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