You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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