Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
