True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
