she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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