Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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