I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
