I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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