I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
