He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
