4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
