For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
