you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
