I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
