Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
