peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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