i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
