Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
