doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
