I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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