Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
