just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
