I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
