If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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