But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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