I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
