Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
