dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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