I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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