Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize