i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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