when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
