I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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