had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
