hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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