it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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