My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
