the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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