Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
