I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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