I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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