...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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