I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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