I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
