Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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