gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
