also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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