is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
