i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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