do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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