can u get pink eye on your cock?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
