This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
