Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
as a side note pls kill me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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