Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
