we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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