i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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