Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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