Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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