someone get that fucking seahorse.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
