can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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