Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
