Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Are my feet made of real feet?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
