it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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