So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
