my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
50% drunk capacity currently
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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