i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im holly from the hills drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
