Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
